Horns Of A Dilemma

When I awoke yesterday morning, I switched on the television to get the weather forecast for the day. The TV was set to Channel 9, which for some reason known only to the Time Warner Cable gods is inexplicably broadcast on Channel 7 on my television dial. Anyway, the Sunday version of “Good Morning America” was on, and they were – of course – talking about the upcoming presidential election. This morning’s topic was: political superstitions.

They began the segment by talking about how athletes – especially baseball players (my observation, not theirs) – are not the only ones who display superstitious propensities regarding their chosen profession. Evidently, when it comes to testing the fates insofar as political races go, Democrats and Republicans have some long standing precedents of their own.

Today, I found an online article that reiterated some of the things that were mentioned in the GMA piece. For example, Obama always plays basketball on election day, he carries a pocketful of “lucky charms” (no, not the cereal) that he has collected while on the campaign trail; i.e., a poker chip given to him by a voter, an American eagle pin from a Native American woman, etc. His Ohio campaign manager hasn’t shaved in more than a month since Obama started to pull ahead in two major polls. You get the idea, people – even presidential hopefuls – have some pretty distinctive notions when it comes to their particular brand of superstition.

I mean, who can forget Tim Robbins as pitcher Ebby Calvin LaLoosh in “Bull Durham,” wearing those black lace garters because he was convinced that he was winning because of them? I know I can’t.

Anyway, this brings me to the crux of the matter; i.e., my dilemma. The final superstition mentioned on yesterday’s broadcast was football-related, which was kind of apropos considering it was Sunday. The journalist stated that no Republican has ever lost a presidential election when the Redskins play and win at home on the Sunday prior to election day. Every single time since...I suppose the team's organization...the Republican nominee wins on Tuesday if the Redskins win at home on Sunday…hence the reason for my inner turmoil.

You see, the Redskins play the Pittsburgh Steelers tonight, in D.C., on Monday Night Football. I hate the Steelers. Allow me to make myself crystal-clear on this subject…I abhor, loathe, detest, and otherwise thoroughly despise the Steelers…and more specifically…their fans. They are the most obnoxious in the NFL. In fact, the only thing worse than a Pittsburgh Steeler fan…in my personal experience…is a Chicago Cubs fan, but that’s baseball.

So, you see my quandary? I desperately want Obama to win, but I cannot – in good conscience – see myself rooting for the Steelers to vanquish the Redskins tonight. It’s just not in me. Perhaps the fact that Washington is playing on Monday instead of Sunday will somehow suffice to invalidate the Republican’s winning streak if the Redskins do indeed prove to be victorious. Or, at the very least, I can pray for a tie.

It could happen.