"Anti-Thesis" Quotes

Ah, I have, at long, long last arrived at the episode that first gave us the nefarious Elizabeth Hitchens…aka…Nicole Wallace…aka… “Supreme Bitch of the Universe.” Actually, way back at the end of last June…yeah, I said “last” June – obviously, I am not the fastest cheetah in the jungle – someone emailed me and asked me to do an in-depth analysis of Bobby and Nicole. My first “request.” I’m honored…and a little apprehensive. I mean, I do not consider what I do to be any kind of "analysis" – in-depth or otherwise. I just jot down what I think about a particular scene, or plot, or character, or statement made by one of the principals...my "impressions" if you will.

Oh, well. Nothing like a little pressure to get the juices flowing. So, at the remote chance that the person who emailed me is still bothering to read my piddly, little blog, here goes nothing.

I have always enjoyed watching Bobby “walk through” how he envisions a crime was committed; e.g.; “The killer chose a weapon that would have meaning.” “Winthrop came in the room.” “The killer was already waiting.” “Winthrop turned on the light.” I mean those are very specific details. How the hell did Bobby “know” that the killer was already in the room or that the vic turned on the light? Maybe, just maybe, the killer was hiding in an adjacent room and slipped inside after Winthrop arrived, or perhaps Winthrop forgot to turn off his desk lamp when he left for the day…I do every now and then. Just sayin’.

Continuing on with that train of thought, Bobby takes a quick glance at the page of lyrics they pull from the secretary's home computer and goes immediately into profiling Bobby-mode. The man is flat out amazing…almost freakishly so. Even Eames seems a bit skeptical of Bobby’s super human abilities when she says, “Okay, how do you figure that?” after Bobby states that the author works for Hudson University.

Ah, but our handsome hero's "comeuppance" would be swiftly delivered by Professor Sanders when he informs Bobby that the originator of a particular quote written in the margins of a student's paper that Bobby was reading could not be attributed to himself, but Ezra Pound. You know, it isn’t often that somebody one-ups our stalwart, brainy guy…but Sanders did. I adore Bobby’s reaction shot; it is a rare occasion indeed when someone gets the better of Detective Robert Goren.

Notice how Eames calls the young college student, "Miss" Goodman, but Goren goes with the more familiar…Valerie? Flirty...that’s my boy. But this seemingly innocuous conversation ultimately leads them to the hapless Mark Bayley.

"Anti-Thesis" Slideshow - Part I



I love watching Bobby “work” a room – in this case a possible suspect’s room; i.e., Mark Bayley. Bobby baits him with the "Ezra Pound" quote and then sidles up next to Bayley while he…compulsively…grabs a book to try and prove Bobby wrong. And then Bobby picks up the box of cereal, or whatever it is, and reads/glances at the back of the box. He’s such a Bobby, but then that is the sort of stuff that attracted me to him to begin with. And then there’s that little rush I get watching him plop a morsel in his mouth. I don’t know why I react the way I do to stuff like this, but I do. I mean, I watch men eat all the time, but there’s just something so completely "watchable" about the way he does…everything. And if you're reading this, I know you understand what I'm trying to say.

And then Bobby goads him with, “I told you it was Pound,” and Eames follows with, “Maybe that is why your thesis is taking so long.” A nice, one/two punch. As Bobby would say, they have complementary skills. I gotta say, this Bayley kid was over matched from the get-go. Not only by Goren and Eames, but Nicole as well…she knew how to pick them. Yep, this poor kid was “way” out of his league.

Okay, I don’t know who "John Lobb" is, but I can’t imagine any pair of shoes being worth $2,000. The most I’ve ever paid was $139 and that was for a pair of Berkenstock’s…that I still wear to this day…and I nearly hyperventilated as I paid for them. But $2,000…holy moly. Besides, my unsophisticated eyes thought they were butt-ugly shoes.

Be that as it may, however, the discovery of the tan shoes did lead to one of the best LOCI scenes ever; i.e., Goren and Eames go shoe shopping…undercover. They stroll about the store, arm in arm, the epitome of a couple of haughtily bored New York posh sophisticates. I love the way Bobby hands back the one shoe to the clerk, as if totally disgusted by the "whole ankle-boot thing." He doesn’t have to say a word, the hand gesture alone sufficiently communicates his feeling about the shoe. Now, "that" is acting.

I never quite understood why Bobby “played” this “character” the way he did. You know, not quite straight, not quite gay, not uber-masculine, slightly feminine. His was an eclectic portrayal…to say the least. Oh, and dare I ask if anybody out there wants to be “whipped into shape” by Detective Goren? Anybody? Could I see a show of hands, please? What? No one? I guess that leaves me to be the lonely volunteer. Whip away, baby.

One final word about this scene; as much as I love it, I have to ask was it really necessary for them to go undercover to discover the name of the woman who bought Mark's shoes? It wasn't like the clerk was the sharpest knife in the drawer. Why didn't they just question him like any other potential witness? Oh, well. Maybe they were just bored with the routine questioning and decided to "spice" it up a bit. I'm glad they did.

"Anti-Thesis" Slideshow - Part II



Now would be a good time to warn those who cannot abide any lengthy discussion or visuals of the always irksome and completely despicable “She-Devil-Witch-Nicole,” well...now would be the time for you to look away.

“I hope it doesn’t sour you on our country,” Bobby says to Hitchens when they go to question her about Winthrop’s murder, and she says her “friends” at Oxford had given her "dire" warnings about America. I bet Bobby wished he had sucked those words back into his mouth and sent her scrawny blonde butt packing back across the “pond” after he learned what a truly vile person she was.

I do love Eames in this scene when, having grown weary with Bobby and Hitchens’ coy little back and forth volleys, she steps in and, in that succinct and no nonsense whimsical way of hers says, “I hate to be a spoilsport,” to effectively bring them back on point. Not only that, she steps in front of Bobby, so the devil “she-witch” has to look at her instead. Good for you, Eames. You go, girl!

And I don’t usually screen cap scenes that don’t include Bobby, but there was something about the “big detective” comment between Hitchens and Bayley that prompted me to do so.

Did anyone else notice that the usual “gallant” Bobby didn’t offer to assist Dr. Fellowes as she lugged and moved boxes about so they could sit down in her office? I mean, through the years, we have seen Bobby help people make Bouillabaisse, untangle wind chimes, plant flowers, etc., but not here. And when he did eventually “help” all he did was grab a couple of CDs as they were falling off the box Fellowes was moving. I just found it a bit out of character; Bobby is usually such a helpful gentleman.

Once again, I find the unspoken communication between Goren and Eames engaging. After Bobby asks Fellowes if she likes opera, and she says a “friend” gave her the CD, Bobby just gives Eames a look, and she “magically” knows he wants her to follow-up with the comment about “Don Giovanni.” And then he plants that niggling seed of doubt about Hitchens having a thing for Bayley. The exaggerated pretense of it all…God, he’s good…but how does he live with himself?

"Anti-Thesis" Slideshow - Part III



Ah, and now we arrive at the “classroom” scene. Okay, did anybody else find it ridiculous that Bobby…our Bobby…managed to remain inconspicuous for an entire class period, or…even more unbelievable…managed to remain “silent” for an entire lecture, before “outing” himself to Hitchens? I mean, come on, he answers her question and then the class ends, so they can have their little tête-à-tête.

Oh, well. It was a good scene and the one when Bobby truly realizes exactly what kind of woman he’s dealing with. You know the type…crazy-bitch. And for the record, if anyone would know about the descent into madness and obsession, it would be Nicole. Also, for the record…I just adore how Bobby looks when he raises his hand to answer her question. If he were my student, I’m pretty sure I’d find a reason to keep him after class...every day.

“The dogged, unrelenting pursuit of evil.” Yep, that pretty much sums-up Detective Goren’s obsession.

And here’s another reason to hate Hitchens, as if I needed one. Pretentious bitch says “donnez-moi un” break instead of “give me a” break when talking to Bobby. You’ll need to do more than throw around a few French phrases, honey, to entice Bobby with your feminine wiles. And while I’m on the subject, if anyone is going to “butter” Bobby’s “parsnips,” I volunteer to be the first in line.

Is it me, or can the man take a pretty innocuous word like say…misconstrue…and make it sound like the sexiest word in the English language? I am going to miss this character so much!!

I realize I’m preaching to the choir when I say this, but I love watching Bobby watch or “size-up” other people. I mean, that’s one of the many quirky mannerisms that drew me to him in the first place. In this instance, it’s when he and Eames are questioning Bayley. Bobby seems to know what “kind” of woman Bayley needs, but here’s a question. Exactly, what kind of woman does Detective Goren need? Again, I volunteer to conduct extensive research into the matter and report back with my findings.

I almost feel a wee bit sorry for Bayley when he realizes he’s been duped by the wily Elizabeth Hitchens. Poor kid, he’s not the first to be taken advantage of by an older, cagier, more worldly woman.

Here’s a question, in eight seasons, totaling more than 130 Goren and Eames episodes, have you ever, EVER, seen them call in a stenographer to take notes of a killer’s confession…besides this episode? Just askin’. I don’t know, maybe…considering Bayley’s track record with his thesis…they thought he’d write a thousand page confession.

Now, it goes without saying that Detective Goren is one of the most astute and observant characters to have ever graced the television screen. So, why did our all-knowing, all-seeing super-sleuth not notice that Mark started experiencing some distress shortly after putting the nicotine gum in his mouth? I mean, the kid is practically gasping his last breath before Bobby finally says, “Mark, are you all right?”

"Anti-Thesis" Slideshow IV



Okay, while I can accept the fact that the hostess at the Tai restaurant would recognize Bayley from a photo because he had gotten ill while eating there, I find it hard to believe that she could remember “what” they ordered to eat…two months later. But that's just me.

So, in Season 5, in “Slither,” we get to meet Nicole’s French boyfriend, Bernard, in the form of one Michael York, who…in no way…resembles the man in the newspaper photo Bobby shares with Deakins and Eames in “Anti-Thesis” in Season 2. And, here’s a question, if Bernard got life in prison for killing eight men, what’s he doing in New York in Season 5? They may have addressed that in “Slither,” but I don’t recall at the moment.) Besides, as we have all learned, TV producers and executives think the fans are inconsequential anyway, so why should they concern themselves with a little thing like…you know…storyline continuity?

I don't know how many times I watched this episode before I finally understood the bit with the key to Bayley's door. Like I said, sometimes I'm slow.

Moving on, I may have to take a dose of anti-nausea medicine before I watch and capture dialogue and make notes of this next scene. You know the one, the first time Bobby interrogates Elizabeth/Nicole. A part of me likes this whole cat and mouse thing that Bobby and Nicole have going off-and-on for the next…what…five or six years, but I was never on the band wagon that thought…for an instant…that he was interested in her “romantically.” When he and Eames initially interviewed her in her apartment, yes, Bobby’s pheromones were “on point” as it were, and he was in full “flirt” mode.

Perhaps, in the beginning, he might have toyed with the notion that he could "reform" her, but each time she showed up, Bobby uncovered more and more heinous things she had done, so – NO – unequivocally and emphatically, the Bobby I know and love could never have felt anything for this woman but contempt and disdain.

"Anti-Thesis" Slideshow - Part V



There is no doubt that Nicole had a knack for pushing Bobby's buttons, but then part of it was his fault because he let her get to him. And for a man of his intelligence, I find it hard to believe he let some "nobody" get under his skin like that. But then I suppose he realized the only way he could gain any information from her was to "play" her game. Anybody else want to scratch this bitch’s face when she taunted Bobby with his social security number and birth date? Nothing this "person" did should have ever surprised him. The depths of her depravity...it knows no bounds.

In this scene, you can see...at least I could...the instant Bobby starts hating her; it is the exact moment he learns what a truly despicable, loathsome “creature” she is. It's when she mocks/taunts Bobby with information she has learned about his mother. I remember the first time I saw this scene, I couldn’t believe the writers were giving us this much insight into Goren’s background all at once. Prior to this, we just got little one liners here and there. Of course, I hated that it was this bitch who was providing the information, and I despised her for causing Bobby so much anguish.

And the sparkling little girl line still sticks in my crawl. I'm sorry, Bobby, but I find absolutely nothing "sparkling" about Nicole. I mean, I'm sorry she was abused as a child, but that does not give her a license to wreak havoc on the rest of the world. And I still don't understand why she would try to “help” Bobby at the end before she walked out by giving him a clue regarding the foundation in Melbourne. Anybody?

Actually, knowing Nicole’s hatred of men and her proclivity to "swing" both ways, I’m surprised she didn’t try her feminine wiles on Eames, but then Eames is too level-headed and far more dispassionate than to fall for that. And, as usual, Eames gets the good line at the end when they arrive at Nicole's apartment to discover that she has flown the coop, and she says to Bobby, "What'd you think she'd have scones and a glass of sherry for us?" I think I'm gonna miss Eames a little, too.

"Anti-Thesis" Slideshow - Part VI



As an aside, did anybody notice that the lawyer they get for Nicole is also the clueless husband from “Pas de Deux” in Season 3, and he played another lawyer in “Endgame.”

Well, that wraps it up for inaugural pairing of Goren and Nicole. More of my inconsequential musings will be forthcoming in the next episode; i.e., "Best Defense." I'm working on it...slowly, but surely.