Annoying Lunch Guy

Most days, I tend to spend my lunch hour at my desk, but today, I had me a hankering for some bacon wrapped chicken/shrimp skewers from Longhorn Steakhouse, so off to lunch I went. So, I was sitting in my booth, having placed my order, the waitress had just brought my raspberry iced-tea and I was trying to concentrate on the little story I’m writing when I became aware of the threesome at the table across from me…two men and a woman.

Their sever had just brought their lunch and placed the plates in front of them and the older man, who spoke with an accent that I later determined was Australian, asked the waiter why he had not brought him his baked potato. The young man checked the order ticket and said he had written down that the “Aussie” had ordered mashed potatoes. That is when the woman spoke up and innocently said, “You know, he’s right. You did order mashed potatoes.” This riveting conversation went on for a few seconds; i.e., the great potato debate, when the waiter eventually said, “You know, it’s not a problem. I can bring you a baked potato,” and off he went to collect the promised dish.

Now, I tried to not eavesdrop, but they were talking so loudly, it was impossible to not overhear what was being said. So, I was literally stunned when "Mr. Aussie" verbally attacked the woman, for what I thought was a totally innocuous remark. When the waiter walked away, he turned on the woman and said loudly and angrily, “How dare you? Don’t you ever contradict me. Just keep your GD mouth shut!”

Okay, when I heard this, I could not help myself, I had to glance over at the woman to see how she reacted to this vitriolic outburst. I know how I would have reacted, but the woman just sat there, staring at the guy, looking absolutely bewildered…like she could not believe her ears. I know I couldn’t believe mine. By now I figure I’m vested in this conversation by virtue of my proximity and the fact that "Mr. Obnoxious" was apparently never acquainted with the concept of using his "inside voice," so now I’m eavesdropping on purpose to try and determine the relationship of the trio. Is this guy her boss, a colleague, her soon to be "ex" husband or boyfriend…hey, nosy people need details.

As I’m paying my check and gathering up all my stuff…needless to say, I got precious little writing done…the waiter returns and asks "Mr. Charming" if he would like him to clear away his dishes since he has finished his meal. To which, "Mr. Wonderful" replied, “Back where I come from, we wait until everyone has concluded their meal before removing the dishes.” And I couldn't help but think as I walked away...one can only hope the arrogant old coot does all us Yanks a favor and undertakes that journey back to where he came from soon…very, very soon.